Let Go
by goinginblind
Summary: "Dear Kurt, by the time you read this, I will probably be dead." They all said to watch out for suicide. But they forgot to watch out for Blaine. Warning: This could be very triggering. Blangst, Klaine, Completed one-shot/longshot.


**This one-shot is faithfully, truly inspired by the amazing book that I just read 'Give A Boy A Gun'. It, like this one-shot, is quite dark, but I don't think it'll disappoint ;)**

**This is very triggering if you don't like suicide. Read at your own risk, okay? And I hope that you'll leave a review! This is my first story, after all, and I'd love some feedback on it!**

**Summary: "Dear Kurt, by the time you read this, I will probably be dead." They all said to watch out for suicide. But they forgot to watch out for Blaine. **

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><p><strong>Part of Blaine Anderson's Suicide Note<strong>

_Dear Kurt,_

_By the time you read this, I will probably be dead. _

_I am truly, truly sorry that you had to be told in this way. I really wished that I could have told you all of this in person, but you may have tried to stop me, and you probably would begin to hurt more than you already are. Please understand though that there was no other way. I'm just doing the world a favor by killing myself. _

**Introduction**

On Thursday, April 19th, 2012, at about 5:49PM, Blaine John Anderson committed suicide in his own bedroom, by shooting himself with his fathers very own semiautomatic handgun. The bullets penetrated the right side of his skull and tore through his brain. According to his older brother, Blaine was dying when he came inside the bedroom, but a mere four seconds later, death had already, sadly, come.

You see, a semiautomatic shoots and scatters a handful of bullets, all of which leave a very nasty wound at point blank range. Death would've been in a matter of ten seconds, no matter how far away Blaine's hand was.

I am not here to try and pity any of you who knew Blaine: I am merely here to give you all a list of facts and regards in Blaine's life, and show you all how cruel society and the teenage high school pecking order can be like. Anyone who knew Blaine Anderson can tell you that this was very unexpected; like many teenage suicides are.

So many teenagers, adults, and yes, children, commit suicide every year - every day, actually, and yet, when it happens, no matter how hard a school, home or neighborhood is shaken up to it's core, no one does a thing about it. Perhaps this story can change all of that - for the better.

I sincerely and honestly hope and believe that you all will take this seriously, as according, and will understand the fact that suicide must - and I repeat _must_ - be treated like a flower; delicately and checked frequently.

Did you know David Karofsky, a former student at the high school Blaine attended [William McKinley High school] , also tried to commit suicide, months before? That there is still harsh cyber bullying going on, written all over his Facebook wall? I am shocked that David hasn't even tried to delete his Facebook yet, but I believe that later, you will understand why he has not.

William McKinley High School is supposed to be a good schooling environment, but yet, once I went into the school to interrogate some of the friends, teachers, and peers of Blaine, that still the school hasn't done anything to stop the flavored, ice cold slushies from being thrown into high school students faces.

This story is told by many point of views, and has many, many hard facts onto the case of Blaine Anderson. Please, be warned, what you may read might be both disturbing and should be taken into consideration.

- Kelsey Bennington, reporter for the Ohio News

**About Blaine**

I met Blaine when I first moved to Westerville. The dude was super nice and polite too; like, shouldn't he have been a little rough or something? Every other boy I've met was. I don't know, he was sorta small and tiny though.

We really connected with sports. After I tried out for the neighborhood's soccer team, he and I got even closer, and I was really okay with it. I didn't have any other friends in Ohio, after I moved from Kansas. He was always trying to help, even if he was a bit of a kiss up to the coach every now and again. But deep down, I honestly believe that he tried to please people so much because of how his parents ignored him and stuff all the time.

Anyway, we were really cool during sixth grade and stuff too. He was actually my ticket to being popular; you see, Blaine was the once-in-a-lifetime popular guy who still hung out and was nice to all the new kids and the unpopular guys. I guess I really admired him for that.

I owe my bud Curly Fries [Blaine] for getting me with Ashley [Grove] too. Even back then, I guess I sort of knew that Blaine didn't like girls. I just thought that he was a late bloomer, that was it.

We were still really good friends, though.

- Carter Benson, old friend of Blaine

Do I remember Blaine Anderson? Yeah, actually. Blaine was super cute and super nice. He always helped me with my homework, and even let me copy off of him one time when I didn't have it. I really can't believe that what happened to him, well, happened.

Blaine wasn't unpopular in middle school. He was actually one of the jocks, but he was the nicer kind. Blaine got special passes too with the teachers, you know? I always thought that it was super funny when he didn't accept their special treatment and was really bashful about it.

I, actually, was one of those girls that wasn't a cheerleader, but still hung out with them [cheerleaders] and the popular guys. As I look back on those memories, I can really see how Blaine felt a little out of place with us; he was always looking so lost, so confused. I feel really bad for him now, actually.

As I think about it now, I do remember this one time at the back of the school. All of us [cheerleaders and popular boys] were all standing around, doing nothing really. Than, one of the nerds walked by. The boys started shoving him around, while the cheerleaders were just laughing in the background. It was Blaine who ran up and shoved them away, putting the kid behind him and telling all of them [boys] to back up.

- Jessica Greenfield, classmate of Blaine

Blaine was a really cool dude. He always tried to help out during glee club, and never put anyone down. He had a really good singing voice too; sometimes, I'll even admit that I envied him a bit for it too.

He was actually a big class clown behind that whole 'dapper and polite' show that he put on too. Like, I remembered this one time when he started speaking Italian to this substitute who didn't pronounce his name right. I was laughing so hard during that period, because we actually didn't even do World History that day because the whole period, this stupid sub is trying to understand was he [Blaine] was saying.

Maybe when I'm old and senile, I'll forget his name, but I don't think I'll ever forget that really nice, funny guy that I used to have bro moments with.

- Noah Puckerman, fellow glee club member

Blaine was the only one who could compare to my singing voice - that much is a fact. Did you know he and I used to date, too? It may have been a drunken mistake, but next to Finn [Hudson, boyfriend/fiancée], he is one of the only guys that I'd ever consider going out with again.

I don't know who to blame for what happened, to be honest. But what I do know is that I really wished someone who have stopped him before it…well, happened.

- Rachel Berry, fellow glee club member, ex-girlfriend

I wished I had used my third wish to make Blaine happy again. I sort of noticed that he wasn't happy, but Santana [Lopez, girlfriend] said nothing was wrong with him, so I really didn't think about it that much again.

But he was just really nice and happy, and that made me happy too. And now Kurt [Hummel, Blaine's boyfriend] is sad, so that makes me sad.

- Brittany Pierce, fellow glee clubber

Blaine was a good kid. I really liked my sons' [Kurt Hummel] choice with a man here; after some of his movie crushes, I think Blaine's a nice alternative. I really don't know how this could happen.

All I'm thinking of is that this happened to another gay kid [David Karofsky], but thankfully he didn't succeed. Another thing I'm thinking of is that this could've happened to Kurt.

- Burt Hummel, Blaine's boyfriends father

I loved Blaine. You know, how you love your friends? Well, that was how I loved Blaine. He was honestly one of the best people I've ever met, and I feel so sorry for how I acted towards him in the last few months before he…

Blaine was one of my good friends, and he still is. I just loved the boy to bits; he was always so nice to our teachers, and to our sister schools' [Cardinals] girls. But part of me hates myself for not noticing some signs sooner.

- Trent Nixon, ex-classmate and glee clubbers

The Anderson's were extremely showy. Not to say that I resented them or scoffed at them, but they just were so obsessed with how they looked to everyone else that they didn't notice the lies and betrayal coiled into their own lives.

Blaine wasn't at all what his father [Joe] wanted. Joe was just very precise with how he showed Blaine how he felt about him. Cooper [Anderson, older brother] was a very positive role model for him, though.

Celine was indirectly abusive, I think. Sometimes I would wake up from a seven o' clock nap and hear her screaming at Blaine from their house. I remember one time Blaine even ran out the door, fettling with the strings of what seemed to be a _corset_ around his torso. But, despite this, the kid was still a very sweet kid.

The Anderson's were definitely changed from Blaine, though. Everyday, as I walk out to my front porch, I see Cooper, home from college for the summer, wearing one of Blaine's many bowties.

I fight a grim smile, though, as his mother and father come out, faces freshly pink and puffy from mourning.

- Joshua Bales, neighbor of the Anderson's

Oh, I remember Blaine. He was an excellent student, who always raised his hand when he knew the answer, and who never spoke out of context or picked a fight with another student. Blaine even volunteered to help me with grading papers when no one else would, and I never had to worry about him giving a bully a failing grade.

I remembered this one time, though, when Blaine started running down the stairs, eager to get out to recess. I may be failing with my sight, but I know a thinner child when I see one. His ribs were pushed up, like on of those girls who'd been wearing a corset. Years later, I still regret not reaching out to him.

But there's nothing more I can do now.

- Georgia Hans, Blaine's fourth grade teacher

I was Blaine's glee club teacher, for God's sakes! I do blame myself for this. I should've seen the signs earlier; after Dave's [Karofsky] suicide attempt, the teachers had an extensive lecture on looking for the signs of teenage suicide.

Blaine was a very good kid. Never angry, only a some occasions, polite, encouraging; a model student.

As I look back on it, I really wished I did something.

- William Schuester, glee club teacher

**Part of Blaine's Suicide Note**

_People always say how "Sticks and stones can break my bones, but words can never hurt me." As you and I both know, this is a load of utter crap. Sticks can hurt for a few minutes, they burn and leave a red mark that slowly fade, but words…words, they tend to stay with you forever, bottled up until that one day…you snap._

_Kurt, there just wasn't enough sticks and stones to outweigh the words._

**Seventh Grade**

Woah, grade seven? That was a little back than, but I still remember it. And the parts with Blaine? Oh yeah, I really remember that kid. In seventh grade, we really didn't notice that anything was up with the kid. But I do remember this one time, in the locker rooms. I had just come out of the shower and everything, water still dripping everywhere, when suddenly, I see Anderson [Blaine] staring at my lower half: my junk!

And, to add onto that, he had a bulge. Lucky for him, he said that he imagined Loretta [Haley]'s lumps, and that was that for the time. Yeah, I really didn't think much of it at the time, but sometimes, every once and a while, I'd look at him and swear that he'd be staring at my junk again.

- Simon Segal, former classmate

I think seventh grade was really when Blaine started to change. He just began to be so…distant with us. Our group, I mean [cheerleaders, popular guys, popular girls, jocks]. He stopped paying attention to our conversations, adding in a few quips, but other than that, that was it.

He was just so weird, sort of freaky. Like, I'd have to snap my fingers a few times to get his attention back. And, whenever we'd play video games, he'd intentionally lose, still staring at the TV screen, but not really looking at it, you know? He'd be looking at it directly, but I honestly think his mind would be in another place, just thinking about stuff. I think I know what now, but then, I didn't have a clue.

- Carter Benson

Blaine definitely became so much more distant in class. I'd be teaching, and the boy would just be sitting there, staring off into space. I'd have to snap my fingers or call his name to get his train of thought back to the lesson.

I remember this one time, during a lesson on the Pythagorean Theorem, Blaine just continued to stare out the window, his eyes looking confused, lost. After class, I pulled him aside, and flat out told him to pay attention and stop staring out into space like it was the most important thing in the world.

"I'll try," he told me in a small voice, before scampering off to his next class. I always tell my students now to pay attention, after I heard what had happened. And if they look lost, I always try and remind them that I'm here to listen.

- Peter Tills, Blaine's seventh grade math teacher

Blaine was weird during seventh grade. He was still hot, but really weird. I'm not sure if even Carter knew what was up with him. I don't think I'll ever know what was exactly going on in his head.

- Emily Hughes, old friend of Carter and Blaine

I'd come home from work, and sometimes Blaine would be sitting on the couch, one of my wife's [Celine] throw blankets draped around him like a cocoon, with his hazel eyes vaguely staring at the television screen. It looked very eerie, to be honest. Like something out of those horror movies, where the kids about to start demonically screaming and attacking you.

Sometimes I'd go up to his room, seven o' clock am, and it'd be time for school, yet Blaine would be laying in his bed, staring at the ceiling. When I'd come to his room, at first, I'd always be so harsh, waiting to snap at him to get out of bed and to school. But when you walk in on your son, laying in his bed, looking so lost and you just don't understand why…it's hard.

But the one thing my son [Blaine] was not was depressed. People judge me every day now, do you understand? They think that I was the one to drive him over the edge. But that wasn't the case.

- Joe Anderson, Blaine's father

I think seventh grade was when Blaine figured out his father was having an affair behind his mothers [Celine] back. It was actually really hard for him to cope with, I can't say I blame him though. I remember being at soccer practice, hanging out with him and Carter, when Blaine would just stop and kind of shut down.

It was pitiful, kind of.

- Ryan Greg, former soccer teammate

_Coop, I'm scared. Dad and Mom are fighting again, and I really just want to tell Mom that Dad's cheating on her, you know? But if I do, than they're going to divorce, and I really don't want to live with either of them. Please tell me Spring break is closer, Cooper, so you can come home._

- An email from Blaine to Cooper Anderson

Seventh grade is a tough grade for us all. The teachers are only just beginning to stress about the dangers and preparations for high school, the tests get harder, and everyone is either starting or expecting for puberty to come. As if middle school weren't already tough, the hormones are tougher.

Blaine Anderson never did come to see me in my office at all, either. I was actually surprised, especially since Peter [Tills] continued to tell me about Mr. Anderson's case and his behaviors.

I really do regret not making the call for him to come to my office.

- Hazel Bradshaw, Westerville Middle's guidance counselor

**Part of Blaine's Suicide Note**

_I would've chosen pills or hanging, but those were too neat, too quiet. Hanging causes too much suffering, and pills just make me think the pain's going to go away, when we both know it's not. _

_My father's gun would be quick, and it'll be over with in seconds. Kurt, I just wanted all the pain to go away. It's the only way._

**Eighth Grade**

Me and Blaine always used to hate the eighth grade. I really couldn't stand any of the teachers, and neither could he. They were always blabbing about how 'high school was coming up' and how that was a quote unquote "big deal". But us, we always used to brush it off and say that high school wouldn't be a big deal, that we had it in the bag. Jessica [Greenfield], Emily [Hughes] and Ryan [Greg] and I wouldn't really study and stuff; Blaine would always give us the answers.

But really, I think eighth grade was when Blaine got to be sort of normal again for the most part, after his…weirdness in seventh grade. He was definitely more fun to be around, though, I can tell you that.

But out of our little group, he was definitely our little mom. He'd always yell at us for looking twice at a beer, or for picking up a cig. Ryan and I would really love to get on his nerves with that stuff, tease him about it. But we never meant any real harm, and I think Blaine knew that.

I really think Jessica had a crush on him. She'd always flirt with him openly, but at that time, I always thought that Blaine wasn't really into her.

- Carter Benson

Mr. [Mark] Hastings was always really harsh with Blaine. I mean, yeah, maybe Blaine and Carter talked in the back, but seriously, Blaine was one of the soccer players. Everyone knows that at our school, no one on any of the teams got yelled at or disciplined. You'd think that Blaine wouldn't, right?

I remember this one time when Denise Richards started talking in class really loudly and obnoxiously. Instead of yelling at her or telling her to go to another room, Mr. Hastings just told her to be quiet and listen. But when I - someone who isn't on the cheerleading team - talked a bit out of tone, I got sent to Mrs. Soot's class. I still remember the sneer on Denise's face when I left, too.

I'm sure everyone saw how mean Mr. Hastings was to Blaine; it was hard to miss. Each and every time Blaine would talk, he'd get snapped at by him [Mark Hastings]. It was actually really rude.

- Andrea Beck, former classmate

Blaine was acting a bit better. His seventh grade year, as I recall, was very…depressing, I suppose. Celine and Joe would always say how their son [Blaine] was just _so_ depressed, even though they continued to ignore it and pretend like it didn't matter.

I'd still say a small hello to the kid whenever I went to grab my morning paper, and ask him if school was okay, the usual. For a thirteen year-old, living in a house with crazy parents like his, he and his brother [Cooper] turned out okay.

- Joshua Bales

What happened to Blaine was so unexpected when I heard it. Eighth grade, the last grade that I could have to possibly change the 'frightening' behavior of Blaine, he turned out to be brighter and happier, like he did in sixth grade.

I still really don't understand why he was so unhappy, though. Years later, and I still don't really know. People blame it on his…'coming out', but, I still don't believe that this is the case. I believe that Blaine's state of mind was something much worse, something that none of us know, and probably never will know.

- Hazel Bradshaw

Blaine was better. Our group was getting back together, too. The football players noticed that we were scoring the cheerleaders, so they decided to hang with us too.

Sometimes, though, when I look back on it, I regret letting those guys get closer to Blaine. They really messed up his life, you know?

- Ryan Greg

_I think, finally, everything's getting better, Coop. Everyone is so nice, I'm sure that the birds sing every time I get up, and, who knows, maybe I can finally talk Mom and Dad into getting me a puppy! _

_I'm so happy Dad's affair is over. _

- An email from Blaine to Cooper

I remember during class one time, back in that old science class. All of us were sitting in the back watching as the dumb teacher [Haley Ben] did some stupid lesson. Carter, Blaine, and I were sitting there, laughing, about some stuff that I really don't remember now that I think of it.

But the one thing I really do remember is how Blaine's eyes kept drifting to Simon [Segal], before looking back at us again. I feel stupid now that I said, out loud, something like: "Gotta crush on Segal [Simon]?"

I really think all three of us were lucky that no one else heard. But Blaine didn't look at me or Carter right for the rest of the day.

- Ashley Grove, former friend of Blaine

Everything in the beginning of eight grade was good, but I think at the end of eight grade, when the children's hormones either started to really kick into gear, or were already bad, my suspicions began. Suddenly, I would be seeing couples kissing in the hallways, or boys starting to really ruffle up a 'nerd', as I remember them being labeled.

But Blaine wasn't like that at all. And, at the time, I never thought that that was a bad thing. But, unlike the other boys in class who'd yell and shout and throw things - the effects of their hormones - Blaine would still be so quiet, so nice, so polite. In the first few days, I thought that this was a gift from the Lord, but after a while, it became a bit…strange.

A teenage boy is supposed to grow. If Blaine's size weren't already small, his hormones were just very…late, I guess? He never had the sexual urges that any other boy had, he never hit another classmate unless it was playfully, and he always did his homework and got straight A's, no matter what.

Sometimes I still think I was overreacting when I called Westerville High's guidance counselor [George Withers], and told him to keep an eye on a few students - Blaine's name mentioned.

- Haley Ben, Blaine's eighth grade science teacher

Blaine was good during eighth grade. He didn't speak out of context, well, not like how his brother [Cooper] used to do whenever his hormones arrived. Blaine would always help me with the dishes, too, despite our…minor family problems.

I always knew my little Bumble Bee [Blaine] was a good boy.

- Celine Anderson, Blaine's mother

…_I watched as my parents paced around the house, waving a white paper with bold black lettering on it in my face. I flinched, my breath becoming a gulp. Of course, my grades had dropped increasingly, and my parents were little to none pleased. _

_My father was staring at me, his eyes betraying any emotion. He was always the silent type; never really indulging in calling me a failure. At least, not to my face he didn't. My mother, on the other hand, just hissed at me._

"_You're the worst child in existence!" My mother screeched, her hand making contact with my cheek. _

- An excerpt from one of Blaine's mock writing prompts

_**Every 14.2 minutes someone in the United States dies by suicide.**_

**Ninth Grade**

High school was supposed to be a cool year for us. I mean, it was supposed to be fun, when we'd finally be able to get our permits and hanging out with the high schoolers. But, really, I think Blaine caused our group to go down. Like, to the tennis team down. The high schoolers [sophomores, juniors, seniors] were horrible to him. They kept picking on him for being 'too small' or for being soft. Except…they didn't call him soft. After what happened, I don't think I can even tell you the words they used.

- Jessica Greenfield

Oh yeah, I remember him! Wow, it's been a few years though. Blaine was tiny; everyone knew that. The kid tried so hard to be bigger - physically and mentally - to try and, I think, block out the jocks words, but he'd always have that kicked puppy-like expression on his face after they'd say something along the lines of: "Stop being such a fairy."

I mean, it was a bit harsh, but really, part of growing up is getting over the horrible words and stuff that people say to you, right? I mean, if we all shut down and cry about how someone called you a bad name, than where would we be?

- Melissa Clark, knew Blaine from high school

Freshman year was big for us [Blaine and Ryan]. I think Blaine and I really connected after he told me he was gay. I mean, before that, we were good friends, but I think Blaine and I became almost even better after he told me. I don't know how he knew I was bi though; gaydar, I guess?

Anyway, Carter got really jealous of me and Blaine after that. I sort of don't blame him, but if he just discovered that there was someone else like him, that you weren't alone in this, than he'd probably be hanging out with that person too. That's really how Carter became the third wheel in our friendship.

- Ryan Greg

Yeah I was jealous. Blaine was my best friend since fifth grade, and all of the sudden, Ryan and him are having sleepovers, going to the movies, and basically ignoring me. That just made me so mad, to be honest.

I mean, I had Ashley [Grove]. But even she was starting to get a little mad about their new friendship.

- Carter Benson

I seriously hated that Anderson [Blaine] and Carter [Benson] had some sort of stupid friendship. We all thought that they were a couple too; do you know how funny it was to walk down the hall and call out: "Hey, don't be late for some skirt shopping!" Of course, we never got in trouble. Come on, the football team _never_ got in trouble.

- Paul Harley, quarterback for the Westerville Cobras

It was so unfair. If we [former middle schoolers; unpopular] all thought how the administrators, the teachers, and the principal treated the sports people back then was unfair, than we all were in for a big shock.

The teachers yelled at someone like me for making a funny comment about the map on TV, but when someone like Paul Harley or Jack Lands did it, no one cared! Do you believe that? The football team and the cheerleaders all got special treatment, while we were yelled at.

- Andrea Beck

Blaine had a really tough time coming out to his parents. I never would've blamed him; my own parents weren't too excited when I told them I was bisexual. We sometimes used a chat room to talk, whenever we couldn't hang out over another's house. Blaine and I would just…talk.

The police took a lot of my chat room files with them after…you know. But my parents got copies and gave them to me, for my memories. Here's one that happened right before he came out to his parents. Dapperbowties is Blaine, and Ballkicker is me.

- Ryan Greg

**Dapperbowties: **_Ry, how did you do it? I mean, how did your mom and dad take it? Good? Bad?_

**Ballkicker: **_My dad wasn't very happy. He's a bit homophobic, though, so I sort of expected it. _

**Dapperbowties: **_Oh. _

**Ballkicker: **_Yeah._

**Ballkicker: **_B, don't worry about it, okay? Sure, your mom and dad may be a little crazy and all, but I know Cooper's going to take it good! _

**Dapperbowties: **_I hope so._

No, I wasn't very happy when my son [Blaine] told me he was gay. I mean, come on! If you were a father, who's dreams were always to watch your son and his _wife_ get married, and have another son and maybe a daughter, than you'd be a little upset too.

Cooper wasn't helping at all, either. You'd think, my twenty-one year old would at least try to help me, but no. Not him. Celine wasn't helping either by her flipping out all over the place. She even considered taking Blaine to a straight camp, which I denied doing. He could be gay all he wanted.

I just didn't care at that point anymore.

- Joe Anderson

I acted rash; I know that now. At the time, I was just so angry [with Blaine]. I…I regret that now. Blaine just looked at me, with sad, hazel eyes, and at that point, oh my, my heart just burst. My son, he was looking at me with a 'mommy, love me again' expression.

Do you have children? If so, and if they ever look at you like that, than you'll understand how I felt at that point. I didn't like it, but I was sorry for what I said to him that night.

- Celine Anderson

After a little bit, Blaine started to act strange in school. I remember Haley [Ben] telling me about him [Blaine]. I just…well, I didn't really know how to deal with Blaine. He was very guarded. Kept telling me that he didn't need counseling, he was fine.

You see, I've been dealing with kids like that for years. They always tell you they're fine, but they're not.

Deep down, I knew this was coming.

- George Withers, Westerville High's guidance counselor

When Simon [Segal], Paul [Harley], and Jack [Lands] got up on one of the tables at lunch, in front of everyone, and announced that Blaine was gay and Ryan was bi, well…let's just say I moved to a different table.

- Jessica Greenfield

I stood up on one of the old lunch tables, and Paul [Harley] stood next to me. He yelled for everyone to be quiet, which, gradually, they did. I remember Jack [Lands] telling me that he heard screaming from the Anderson's home when he walked by, walking his dog. That's when we told the whole school that Blaine and Ryan were gay.

Everyone just stared at the two of them, in the back. Blaine had dropped his plate too; everything was all over the floor. Ryan just looked like he'd just seen a ghost. Was it mean? Well, they had to come out some way, right?

- Simon Segal

That's the point where the voice in the back of my head started screaming "Oh, so that's why they've been hanging out so much lately!" I didn't talk to Blaine for a bit after that, though. He just kept on staring at me [after the announcement], like he wanted my answer. But I just looked on back.

I didn't know what else to say.

- Carter Benson

Blaine came home one day, when I was home from college. He had a black eye, the size of a freaking grape fruit, and his lip was busted. I stared at him as he practically charged past me, keeping his head down so I couldn't see.

He ran to the bathroom, and started washing his lip and holding an icepack to his lip. That's when he told me he was gay. But it didn't bother me at all; I still loved him. And I still do.

- Cooper Anderson, Blaine's older brother

People now begin to judge my school for not taking action against the students who bully others. My school is expected to raise children and make them prepared to go onto the real world; do you understand me? Do you understand what that's like?

We are responsible for many, many kids. I am deeply sorry to say this, but the misfortune of one child doesn't concern me.

- Harry Strauss, principal of Westerville High school

Milk being thrown into your face is horrible. It stinks, it's sticky, and it's freaky cold and thick. That's what we were subjected too everyday.

- Andrea Beck

Blaine came to me one time, asking for some help. We were talking about something - I can't remember now - when Paul came over, shoving Blaine roughly into a locker. Blaine looked at Harley for a moment, before looking back at me, making sure that I saw too. We looked at each other for a few moments.

"Did you see that?" I remember him asking, eyes wide like a deer in headlights. I told him to shake it off. To forget about it. Now I have to live with the fact that I could've possibly been a reason for a boys death.

- George Withers

The Sadie Hawkins dance was Blaine's breaking point. It was mine too. I remember both of us sitting at one of the tables, watching everyone else dance and have a good time. And than I remember grabbing his hand, and dancing on the dance floor with him, near the back though. Some people looked at us like we were insane, crazy. But we just acted like we didn't care, like we were bosses.

We walked outside - we were waiting for my dad to come. Blaine was shivering, I remember that. After a few moments, Simon, Jack, and Paul came out, at first laughing, but then pausing when they saw us waiting at the curb.

It hurt so bad. Jack kept on pounding on my ribs - three cracked, two broke - laughing, while Paul held my shoulders down. It seemed like they left Blaine for Simon only. I…I remember hearing Blaine screaming.

After a while, they let me go. Told me that since I was bi and liked girls too that I didn't matter as much. Walking away from Blaine as they continued to pound him is the one thing that I regret every day.

- Ryan Greg

_Blaine Anderson was in a coma for two months after severe brain trauma to his right side. Blood had begun to pool inside of his brain as well, which was what caused severe epileptic trauma. Five ribs were cracked, four were broken, and two were bruised. One of his lungs were almost punctured, but luckily the bone shard missed. Eye sight was almost lost for him as well. _

_He was diagnosed with PTE {__**P**__ost __**T**__raumatic __**E**__pilepsy} after he woke up two months later, with seizures that happened almost frequently. _

- Blaine's medical report

Blaine left Westerville High after that, and we didn't talk after it. Ryan moved to Beavercreek too. It was…well, it was strange. Ryan came back to school after the dance with a huge bruise on his face. Blaine went to an all boys boarding school after that.

Maybe if I had helped him and been a better friend, he'd be here.

- Carter Benson

Try getting a call from your parents a three o' clock in the morning, telling you that your little brother is in a coma.

- Cooper Anderson

**Tenth Grade**

When Blaine came to Dalton, he was a tiny, little fragile boy. When I saw him, I was just like to Jeff [Sterling]: "Bro, we gotta talk to this dude!" After we did, we found the most rocking awesome dude ever.

- Nick Duval, good friend of Blaine

Blaine was like my baby. My best friend, Wes [Montgomery], and I always used to talk t Blaine, make him feel so comfortable. When he told us what had happened at Sadie's, my heart broke. I couldn't stand to imagine Blaine like that.

- David Thompson, good friend of Blaine

Blaine was amazing. I loved that kid.

- Thad Harwood, good friend of Blaine

When Kurt [Hummel] came with this boy named 'Blaine', and told me that they were just 'friends', I didn't believe it at first. Months later, I was right. Blaine became Kurt's boyfriend, and that boy made Kurt happier than I'd ever seen him.

-Mercedes Jones, friend of Blaine

I sat down and had a talk with Blaine when I first heard that he was my sons boyfriend. I found out that this kid - who had before told me about how I should have 'the talk' with my son - was honestly the perfect choice.

- Burt Hummel

When Kurt and Blaine finally got together, no one was really shocked. We all knew that they'd end up together, despite how oblivious the two of them were to the whole situation. I remember seeing them blush and giving each other this look. It was just a small look, but back than, I really did think that they'd be with each other forever. Cliché, right?

- Jeff Sterling, friend of Blaine

"_We kissed, Coo! We kissed! I leaned in, and than just kissed him, right than and there! It was about six seconds long - not like I was counting - and it was just…oh my God. We kissed again after that - can you believe it?" _

- phone call from Blaine to Cooper Anderson

We never did get along during that year. I remember when he and Hummel [Kurt] came to McKinley for the New Directions dumb 'Night of Neglect' thing, we clashed in the hallway.

The two knew I was gay after Kurt told him about me…forcing myself onto Kurt. Well, anyway, when we met, we really got underneath the others skin. Here was this dwarf, standing up to me, and I just got…mad. So, he pushed me, I pushed back, but than Santana [Lopez], came over and stopped us before I really got angry.

- David Karofsky

Prom was when I finally approved of Blaine. You see, some jerk off's at McKinley thought it'd be funny to name Kurt Prom Queen. The two left for a little bit, and than came back, and Kurt bravely accepted being Prom Queen. Him and Dave were about to go down the dance floor, when Dave left.

Well, Blaine walked up to Kurt and asked if they could dance, which they did in front of the entire school.

He was awesome.

- Finn Hudson, Kurt's stepbrother

After Kurt came back from New York, and than had a good talk with Blaine at the Lima Bean, I just remember him coming into the door, with his eyes looking like stars, and a smile on his lips.

When I asked him what was wrong, he just looked at me with the most happy expression, happier than he was when he came home and told me that he and Blaine kissed. "He told me he loves me." Was all he said, before practically skipping up the stairs.

That boy [Blaine] was honestly the one thing that made Kurt happy again.

"_I told him I loved him and he said it back! Can you believe it, Coop? Can you? Can you? We were at the Lima Bean, when I said it, and than he just looked at me before saying it back!" _

- phone call from Blaine to Cooper Anderson

**Junior Year**

I remember Blaine's awesome rendition of It's Not Unusual in the courtyard. It was phenomenal. He danced down the steps with the Cherrio's [cheerleading squad], having just a good time. We were all in awe at the semi-professional performer who was singing his way into our glee club! Blaine actually jumped on the piano at one point too, and Santana actually started dancing with him!

- Artie Abrams, friend of Blaine

Blaine's one of the kindest, sweetest people I'll ever know. His first day at school, after singing his audition song, he and I accidentally bumped into each other in the hallway. He apologized and told me that my song at the Night of Neglect last year was amazing and he was sad that Sandy Ryerson, Azimio, Jacob Ben Israel, and Becky Jackson had to ruin it. We walked to Science together, too.

- Tina Cohen-Chang, good friend of Blaine

Finn [Hudson] was horrible to Blaine, and yes, I really should've stopped it. Finn would cut him off and tell him to sit down, putting him down when all he was trying to do was either encourage or help out Finn.

The image that I just can't get out of my mind with him is definitely…well, Finn was addressing the group one day, and he had valid points. Blaine stood up, helping out Finn in his speech and not doing anything wrong in anyway, when Finn snapped at him to sit down. Blaine's face after that, the way he was forced into silence…it breaks my heart now.

- William Schuester

Me and Blaine got into a small fight, I'll admit it. He was intimidated by me, I guess. But after that he came and apologized for it, said it'll never happen again, and that it was just misguided anger.

You see, back last year, Finn stole my girlfriend, Quinn Fabray, and never actually apologized for it, so I can really see what it was like for Blaine. I told him it was cool, and then we became better friends after that.

- Sam Evans, a friend and fellow glee club member

Blaine and I indulged in singing many duets during his… Blaine was an amazing singer, as I've previously said. Santana seemed to be threatened by it sometimes, but Blaine was just so…nice. It was agreeably hard to hate him.

- Rachel Berry

Me and Blaine were really, really good friends. Best friends, maybe. We connected through dancing and glee club, and after that movies, video games and pranks. Man, he was a good pranker too! Anyway, we always used to hang out and everything, having just an awesome time.

- Mike Chang, good friend of Blaine

Everyone says that Blaine was good and all, but that was all a façade. I knew there was just something up with him. It happened probably after Dave's suicide attempt. You could just see how uncomfortable he was, how much he looked like someone was poking him and keeping their finger there.

Blaine was also very good at keeping his secrets, too. I almost believed him when I asked him what was wrong and he said nothing.

- Santana Lopez, fellow glee club member

I remember this one time, after me, Kurt, Finn, and Blaine had all went to Breadstix's. Okay, so it was admittedly a bit cold outside, and we [Finn, Blaine] were all waiting for Kurt to finish paying for our food. We were just watching the cars pass by, I guess, not particularly caring about anything else for that matter at the moment.

Finn randomly began pacing around, looking angry, confused, for some reason. Regional's were near, and I guess that just bothered him a whole lot. All of the sudden, Finn started telling us - well, mostly me, he wasn't even looking at Blaine - that he was so stressed for Regional's, and it was like everyone was pressuring him or something. That he didn't know what to do.

Blaine than said something like: "It'll be fine, Finn," And, for some reason, Finn just lost it. He snapped at Blaine for no reason, telling him to mind his own business and to shut up. The look on Blaine's face after he said that…I felt so bad for him.

He didn't talk to anyone for the rest of the night either.

- Rachel Berry

I know, I was horrible to him. Everyone just keeps telling me that I have a temper, that I should just shut up, but… I don't know why I acted like I did. Honestly.

- Finn Hudson

The jocks started bothering Blaine a lot, too. They left me alone and started slushieing him a whole lot more too. I didn't know what to do; get slushied myself, or help a friend who needs it? I chose the wrong side, I think.

- Rory Flanagan, friend and fellow glee clubber

After a while, I'd noticed that Blaine's behavior had become pitiful, sad after a while. I wanted to help him, I'd even admitted him into my schedule. But every time, he'd just tell me that nothing was wrong, that he was okay.

A look into his medical records told me other wise.

- Emma Pillsbury, McKinley High school guidance counselor

_The normal teenage boy ribcage looks like this [picture shown in back]. Now, see how this looks completely normal, fitted with the body's features? Well, this is how Blaine's ribcage looked [picture shown in back]. His ribs are squeezed together to provide a more, as some people might say, 'appealing' or 'eye candy' look. _

_Celine Anderson was interrogated by me on March 3__rd__, 2012, for suspicion of child abuse. As you can see, Blaine, from ages five to ten, was forced to wear a corset to bed every night. Luckily, the damage wasn't so bad. _

- excerpt from Caleb Hill's police report after Joshua Bates called for suspicion of child abuse

I thought Blaine was hot. I wanted to get into his pants. But that was at first. After a little while, I think I started to get…feelings for him. Blaine was nice, he was hard to hate. But even I knew that he was getting depressed.

- Sebastian Smythe, crusher of Blaine

He didn't return my text messages, and whenever I'd go and see him on weekends, Blaine would be curled on his bed, looking lost. I asked Cooper what was wrong with him, but not even he knew.

He was just so sad.

- Nick Duval

I think us participating in that slushie prank is something else that caused Blaine to go over the deep end. If we had been more loyal friends, like the New Directions, than maybe he wouldn't of done what he did. Maybe I wouldn't feel like a horrible person every time I wake up.

- Trent Nixon

**The Day It Happened**

I remember coming into school that day. All of the teachers were just…off. They kept staring at all of us [New Directions], like we were poisonous or something. I remembered me comparing it to David's suicide attempt. How right I was.

- Noah Puckerman

Mr. Schue and Ms. Pillsbury came into one of our glee club meetings, looking so off. Kurt was in the back row, and he looked worried. I remember Tina saying how Mercedes told her that Blaine didn't call last night.

- Artie Abrams

My mom had said something about some boy killing themselves last night too. I didn't hear the name.

- Mercedes Jones

Blaine didn't deserve any of this. The Lord should've guided him; he's guided me throughout all of my troubles. I really had hoped that he tried to help Blaine during that night.

- Quinn Fabray, friend of Blaine

Blaine was my friend. I came to him when I wanted to surprise Kurt for the Sugar Shack, asking him to be there. He was so excited for it too. I couldn't stop crying after Mr. Schue pulled out that paper.

- Sugar Motta, friend

Ms. Pillsbury's face was pink and puffy; she'd just been crying. Coach Sylvester was behind them, not looking at any of us in the faces. Principal Figgins' and Coach Bieste were all there too; out in the hallway and sort of checking behind themselves to see if everyone else was getting to class too.

I'll always remember the feeling of the air, how it seemed like there was something just so wrong. I should've guessed when Mr. Schue brought out that wrinkled paper.

- Finn Hudson

Everything changed.

- Sam Evans

**Blaine Anderson's Suicide Note**

_Dear Kurt,_

_By the time you read this, I will probably be dead. _

_I am truly, truly sorry that you had to be told this way. I really wished that I could have told you all of this in person, but you may have tried to stop me, and you probably would begin to hurt more than you already are. Please understand though that there was no other way. I'm just doing the world a favor by killing myself. _

_People always say how "Sticks and stones can break my bones, but words can never hurt me." As you and I both know, this is a load of utter crap. Sticks can hurt for a few minutes, they burn and leave a red mark that slowly fade, but words…words, they tend to stay with you forever, bottled up until that one day…you snap._

_Kurt, there just wasn't enough sticks and stones to outweigh the words._

_I would've chosen pills or hanging, but those were too neat, too quiet. Hanging causes too much suffering, and pills just make me think the pain's going to go away, when we both know it's not. _

_My father's gun would be quick, and it'll be over with in seconds. Kurt, I just wanted all the pain to go away. It's the only way._

_I love you Kurt. I love you more than words can express, more than there could ever be stars in the skies. Oh God, I don't know if you can read this either; my tears are starting to ruin the page. _

_Please don't stay single for me. There's probably someone better for you out there than me; there's someone who'll always be better. Kurt, don't cry for me either. I hate it when you cry. _

_Now this part is the only part that can be read aloud. From here on is for the New Directions, for the world to hear:_

_I love you all, New Directions. I mean it. Almost all of you have made my last year here so enjoyable, so positively amazing that I'd never hope to trade it for the world. I mean this for almost all of you. _

_Some of you - who will still not be named, no matter the case - have honestly made my life horrible. Finn, do you really think that I transferred here for your stupid solos? Santana, please drop your guard. You're a wonderful girl - Brittany says so - and if you just drop your defenses, I'm sure you'd find that not everyone's going to hurt you._

_The town of both Lima and Westerville have made my life horrible, in a simple word. Why can't we all be nice, for once? Understand that not everyone is bad, that just because someone is gay that it's not a disease? _

_New Directions, everyone, Cooper, I would love to be here to see you all win Nationals - Go New Directions! - to see gay marriage be legalized in all fifty states, and for you, Cooper, to have your own child and to be there to see their first steps. _

_I wish you all a long and happy life. _

_Sincerely, Blaine Anderson_

**The Aftermath**

I cried every night for a week. Blainey was my friend, okay? He was my narwhal; the gay boy to my gay side. I loved him. I just want him to come back. If God's so good like Quinn says, than why won't he bring Blainey back?

- Brittany Peirce

After I heard from Trent [Nixon]… I walked out of the Warbler room, into my dorm room, shut the door, locked it, and threw my pillows, tore them up, bruised my hand from punching it into the wall, and cried for a bit. My crush was more than 'just a crush', alright? Stop judging me.

- Sebastian Smythe

Sometimes I'll go into my nightstand and pull out the picture of all of us after Regional's, Sam and Mercedes sitting at the side table, me, Mike, Kurt, and Blaine at a booth, and everyone else scattered around us.

I just look at it and allow some tears to fall before putting it back.

- Tina Cohen-Chang

Like I said, I cried. I called my father - my non-mafia father - and begged him to find someone in some country to bring people back to life. He said it couldn't be done. So I cried some more.

- Sugar Motta

I should've seen the look on his face that day. I should've seen how he looked. He didn't talk at all that day, either. He was sitting there, blankly. I shouldn't have called him a hobbit. I should've just been nice for once.

- Santana Lopez

After I heard, my first thought was "How's Kurt holding up?" Kurt's not talking to anyone, in case you haven't heard. I tried suicide - I understand how Blaine felt. Kurt always said that Blaine was strong - but even the strongest can be broken.

- Dave Karofsky

Finn was a jerk to Blaine. I should've said something to him [Finn]. I just should've stopped him and told him to leave Blaine alone.

- Noah Puckerman

After I heard in the paper what happened to Blaine…I know it's my fault. I ignored him after he came out. I acted like the years of friendship that we shared beforehand meant nothing. I wasn't any better than those jerks that kill people on TV. Because, really, I killed my best friend.

-Carter Benson

We went to the dance together. We told secrets to each other that I've never told anyone else before. When I learned that Blaine committed suicide, I didn't know how to handle myself.

- Ryan Greg

Every time I go out to the store, now, people look at me and whisper. They say, "Oh, there's the mother that put her son in a corset, that caused him to commit suicide at eighteen years old. Why, she's no better than a murderer." Let me get one thing straight. I may have done something's to my son that I am not proud of, but I still loved him. And I still do. I'll always love him.

- Celine Anderson

I don't blame the school. I don't blame the principal, or the guidance counselors. I don't blame the jerks that bothered him every day.

I blame the world for taking my baby brother away from me.

- Cooper Anderson

As a principal, the loss of a student has affected me in a way that I am not used to. I know that I am a protector, that I should've been on this. But, really, you don't know how I feel about loosing a student - a child.

- Principal Figgins', principal of McKinley High

He was my Asian dancing bro. My brother from another mother. The Pickachu to my Ash. The Harry to my Ron. And as dumb as all of these comparisons are, I don't know if any of you know what it's like to loose your best friend, but it sucks, frankly.

- Mike Chang

Just bring him back.

- Rachel Berry

The only person that I can blame is myself. Have you ever had your son commit suicide with your own gun? A gun that was made to kill people? It's the worst feeling in the world.

- Joe Anderson

After I heard what had happened to Blaine, the Blaine that I remember from a long time ago, I didn't believe it. I mean, how could I? He was always so happy - and than poof, he's gone. Dead.

- Emily Hughes

Bless his soul and may it rest peacefully in heaven - where there is no doubt in my mind is where Blaine Anderson currently resides.

- Joseph Hart

We all blame someone else or ourselves for the loss of Blaine Anderson. Everyday, I see the New Directions stare at the floor, unable to cope with the loss of one of their members - what they say is a family. Blaine was a good kid. No one deserves this. Please, if you ever try and commit suicide, think about who you're hurting. Just, please, think. So many people loved this boy.

- Emma Pillsbury

**Blaine's Facebook Page**

**April 20****th****, 2012**

**Finn Hudson: **We're always going to miss you, Blaine. I am so, so sorry for how I treated you during your last days. I'm sorry for being a horrible person, and I really wished that you could've come to me and Rachel's wedding. You would've loved it, Blaine.

**Noah Puckerman: **I'll give you a high five when I join you in heaven, alright dude? Hope you're chilling with Jesus up there.

**Sugar Motta: **I'll miss you so much Blaine. I wish my dad (who is not in the mafia) could find someone who can bring you back. I really freaking miss you. I've been crying for hours now.

**Mike Chang: **You were my best friend - no, you still are. I'm so sorry that the world wasn't kind to you, B. You didn't deserve any of it. You're the nicest, kindest, coolest guy that I know. I mean it too.

**Quinn Fabray: **We're dedicating a song to you, Blaine, in glee club. The Warblers are joining us in the number, too. We all miss you. I know you're going to watch over us from heaven with the Lord.

**Rachel Berry: **Do you remember that facebook thing we all did? Where we added each other as our family members, even though we aren't really? I'll always keep you as my brother on my family sidebar, Blaine. Even twenty years from now, when my kids come to add me as their friend, they're going to see 'Blaine Anderson' as my brother.

**Rory Flanagan: **I'm so sorry that this had to have happened to you, Blaine. You don't deserve it. Do you mind saying hi to my grandfather while you're up there? I know you two would have a lot in common.

**Sam Evans: **We got into a fight, but I don't freaking care anymore. I actually cried. I've only cried twice in my whole life.

**Sebastian Smythe: **I've come here on behalf of all of the Warblers, since most of them can't type without causing the keyboard to electrocute with their tears. Once a Warbler, always a Warbler, Blaine. I am so sorry I forgot that when I slushied you, back in Michael week. We'll all miss you.

**David Karofsky: **I almost deleted my Facebook, but I couldn't without telling you something. Blaine, I know we never got along. That might be an understatement, but I don't care right now. You didn't deserve this.

**Tina Cohen-Chang: **Blainers…I'll miss you, okay? I'll miss having Science with you. I'll just miss you.

**Artie Abrams: **You're so awesome, and an amazing Tony. I don't think I'm going to forget you. I promise to come back to tell you when I find a way to walk again.

**Santana Lopez: **Well, Anderson, here we are. After hearing Mr. Schue read your letter…I just can't believe you cared that much to mention to me to be more nice in your suicide note. You were something, weren't you?

**Brittany Pierce: **Why was I so stupid? I should've used my third wish to make you happy, Blainey! You should be here!

**{{Blaine's Private Messages}}**

**April 22****nd****, 2012**

**Kurt Hummel: **Today was good, Blaine. Your funeral was beautiful - it'd be better if I planned it, of course. They remembered to put on a bowtie, though, as I specified. Blaine, can I tell you something, though? I don't want to talk to anyone - is that a bad thing? I haven't cried either. I feel horrible.

**April 23****rd****, 2012**

**Kurt Hummel: **I sung 'Wish You Were Here' today in glee club. Blaine, Mr. Schue wants to bring me to therapy. I'm scared. Tell me it's going to be okay, like you did when you were alive?

**Postscript**

Blaine Anderson was loved by many people. But, depression and these dark thoughts continuously came back into his life, haunting him, driving him a little bit closer to the deep end. Not many people truly realize this, but anyone around you could commit suicide or be depressed. But you must help them, reach out.

Kurt Hummel, Blaine Anderson's boyfriend, refused to speak to me, like David says, becoming a mute as of late. He is currently in therapy, and, from what his therapist says, keeps Blaine's note with him at all times, continuously reading it.

As you can see, Blaine was so loved, but he felt so lost at the same time. Take it from what so many people in this passage are saying: Don't do it. So many people love you, even if you can't see.

National Suicide Prevention Hotline:

1-800-273-8255

National Hopeline Network:

1-800-784-2433

Take it from me - the young, newspaper reporter who lost her cousin - Blaine Anderson - to suicide.

- Kelsey Bennington

**Blaine John Anderson**

**Died on April 19****th****, 2012**

**Friend, son, brother, lover**

**We'll never forget the bright little boy that changed our world with his kind, caring attitude.**


End file.
